(Source: Jim Hill Media)
Be afraid, be very afraid. Following in the footsteps of successful properties as Muppet Babies (where Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were put in diapers), and Disney Babies (ditto with Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck), everyone from Wolverine to Bozo the Clown is headed for the nursery. Yes, you read that right: Baby Wolverine.
You can blame the late Jim Henson for this. In 1984, he introduced baby Muppets during a sequence in The Muppets Take Manhattan. Henson, realizing he needed something to bankroll such brilliant failures as The Dark Crystal and Labyrinth, turned Muppet Babies into a very profitable line.
The Walt Disney Company smelled gold in them thar diapers, and followed suit with Disney Babies. By the way, Disney is now marketing Disney Cuties, which has an anime look very similar to Hello Kitty.
The marketing tag for is Disney Cuties is, "Can you handle this much cute?" Can you handle my answer to that question?
In 1990, Warner Bros. joined in the baby toon fun with Tiny Toons Adventures, later followed by Baby Looney Tunes. Not to be outdone, Hanna-Barbera infantilized some of their classic characters, bringing out A Pup Named Scooby-Doo and The Flintstones Kids.
Bratz Babyz makes sense from a marketing standpoint. After all, Bratz cut into Barbie sales by bringing a more "street" attitude to girls' dolls, even if parents objected to the Bratz' consumerist fetish. Now Fox Home Entertainment is bringing out the animated direct-to-DVD Bratz Babyz: The Movie on September 12, with associated toys and a Game Boy title to follow.
Here's where we fall down the rabbit hole. Larry Harmon Pictures Corp. is trying to bring back the once-classic Bozo the Clown in baby format, in Bozo's Clown Babies and Bozoo Animals. If you find Bozo kinda creepy, you're not alone. The clown's leering visage inspired the look of Darth Maul in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace.
C3 Entertainment is also getting in the baby game with The Baby Stooges, due in 2008. C3 (which the Stooges founded in 1959) is hoping the classic trio's antics can be updated for the 21st Century. Unfortunately, the promo material for The Baby Stooges has a tired, uninspired vibe. The poster even shows a puppy pulling on Curly's diaper, ripping off the original Coppertone Girl ad.
But wait: it gets worse. Marvel has unleashed Marvel Babies on unsuspecting comic fans. That's right, comic geeks can make future comic geeks of their spawnlings by introducing them to Baby Thor, Li'l Wolverine, Captain Junior America, Baby Spider-Man, Li'l Hulk, Baby Doc Ock and Baby Spider-Girl. That is, if they're not howling at the heavens over the desecration committed to their beloved characters.
The comic book giant is also considering X-Babies, which may, or may not, have something to do with the de-aged mutants which originally appeared in Uncanny X-Men Annual #12. This would be more than a little odd, considering X-Men were originally envisioned as a more adult comic, dealing with mature issues.
So yeah, there's a lot of baby toon stuff out there. Where will it end? Usually these things go in boom-and-bust cycles, but as long as parents and other humanoids are willing to fork out the cash for this stuff, it'll never go away.
